3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
