You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
