I just threw up on my dentist
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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