She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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