she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
