u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I did not marry a roomba.
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