She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
