My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My balls are so social today.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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