This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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