i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize