I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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