I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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