yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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