I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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