if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize