I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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