How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
