There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Randomize
