Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
