So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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