I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
