So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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