she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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