I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
