i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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