my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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