I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
