think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
