Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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