he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
