Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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