it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
