Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
