Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
