you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
