You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
