he wants to bone in the snuggie
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
