its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
