Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So. Much. Porn.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
