I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize