Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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