Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
