can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
