I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
