the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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