I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
