can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so explain again why im purple
no
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
