They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
