She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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