Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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