i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
