Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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