By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
the raccoons are back...
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