I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
