a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
