the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
