I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
where am i from again
im six kinds of drunk right now
two words: eviction party
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
