and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Your penis caused this!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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