I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
