a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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