Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
