WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
