He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
