theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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