last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
