you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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