and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?