return my video game
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.