You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
apparently the secret to your success is patron
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A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
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I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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