I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
