listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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