We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
